In A Million Moons
by theAfanc
Summary: This is a series of one-shots and short stories centering around my Original Character. Thicketstar is the leader of ShadowClan and is a character that is played on a roleplaying site called Warriors: Into the Forest.
1. The Lives of the Many

Thicketwhisker stood at the mouth of the great cave that held the Moonstone. Of course he had been here before - when he was made an apprentice and with his own apprentices needed to make the journey. But he had never once thought that he might be here for this reason. To be made leader.

He swallowed and glanced back over his shoulder at Pipitpaw and without another sound, Thicketwhisker put one paw in front of the other and made the trek down the cold path through the cave. He gasped softly when he rounded a corner and saw the great Moonstone before him and he dipped his head respecftully to the vessel of StarClan.

Without much more ceremony then that, he closed the gap between him and the stone and lay his body on the ground. He closed his eyes and muttered under his breath "StarClan I am ready" and touched his nose to the cold stone. His eyes fluttered for a moment and suddenly he was gone.

The white and brown tabby tom's eyes opened again and the first thing he noticed was that his paws were not on solid ground. His paws reached and grasped for something to stand on but he could only feel the starry sky. But he wasn't falling and he was safe. And before he could think anymore about it, he realized there was a plethora of cats around him; some of them he recognized as Clanmates and others he had never seen before. But there were _so many_ cats here to see him named. His heart filled with joy at the thought of so many cats caring.

As his eyes scanned the crowed looking for a single familiar face he was distracted by a large white tom who stepped out of the crowed. A wide grin was plastered across the face of the massive cat and a twinkle pf pride filled his eyes. _Thicketwhisker. I am so proud of the cat you have become. Of course I am completely convinced I did all the hard work and your mother just sat around."_ Salt-tongue laughed heartily at his own joke. Thicketwhisker smiled, happy to see his father hadn't changed in StarClan. _"Your first life is an important one, my son._ _Compassion_ _, Thicketwhisker. Compassion is a trait you must always remember. No matter what the situation, it can always benefit from softness of heart."_

The deputy-turned leader had heard stories of the pain that usually accompanied the lives given by StarClan cats to a leader. His muscles clenched as he closed his eyes and waited for the white tom to touch his nose. But when the boop came, nothing but warmth and love flowed through Thicketwhisker's body. There was nothing painful about this life and he breathed a sigh of relief, opening his eyes to see his father's form retreating into the crowed.

Almost on cue, the brown tabby form of Shadenose replaced the white cat. Her eyes were filled with fire as she shook her head and took her steps forward. She was mumbling something incoherently as she stepped up and only a few key words (Salt-tongue, furball, mousebrain) came through. Before she could even speak, Thicketwhisker was smiling at her. She inhaled deeply and brought her eyes up to lay on her son. _"Thicketwhisker. I hope dear Featherfall is less obnoxious then your father is. Please give your sweet mate my regards."_

Thicketwhisker dipped his head to his mother. She and Featherfall had always gotten along and Shadenose had been pleased when they announced their first litter. _"_ _Ferocity_ _, Thicketwhisker, is the life I have for you. Ferocity is a tool every mother utilizes in the defense of her kits and one sometimes even fathers learn. But it is a trait often overlooked for a leader for all Clanmates are like a leader's kits. Be ferocious in defense of your Clan."_

He blinked a few times in surprise. His stoic and silence had come from his mother and he wasn't sure if he had ever heard her say so many words at once. But this thought and the attempt to find a memory to agree or refute this idea she touched noses with him and he suddenly knew the pain every leader had spoken of. Heat and crippling pain spread through his body like wildfire. This one alone was almost enough to make him cry and he wondered how many more of his remaining lives would hurt like this one and how many would be soft like his father's gift had been.

As Thicketwhisker chocked and tried to hold back the tears of pain, his mother disappeared without so much as a goodbye. And by the time that the almost leader had control of his limbs and sight again, it was the figure of Rocktail that stood before him now. **"Brother!"** Thicketwhisker exclaimed at the surprise of this tom. Although Thicketwhisker and Rocktail had been close in their kithood and apprenticeship, Rocktail had never approved of the type of cat that Featherfall had made him and the warrior had gone to StarClan without a reconciliation.

 _"Greetings, brother. I would like to apologize for the things that were said in my life. And to help make up for the rift that came between us, i give you the gift of_ _Joy_ _. Do not let any other cat tell you what do do for your own happiness and always follow your heart."_ The white tom had little else to say and after a brief touch of the nose and the exchanging of a pleasant life of warmth and happiness, the StarClan cat retreated to the group.

For a brief moment, no cat stepped forward and a sudden fear flashed through Thicketwhisker. Was there a reason he would be receiving less lives then he should. And he still hadn't found the one cat he was searching for. Was she even here? But just as these thoughts were thought, a gorgous silver grey she-cat slithered out from between two cats the ShadowClan tom didn't recognize. But he did recognize the lithe form floating toward him. A sly smile twinkled in her eyes though her face was solid and calm.

 _"Oh, my dearest Thicketwhisker. My favorite and most eager apprentice. You were always me best student and my strongest warrior. I am pleased to call you my apprentice, even now as you become ShadowClan's leader. I am giving you the gift of_ _Knowledge_ _. While you already know much and have mentored your fair share or 'paws, there is always more to learn. Use this life not only to learn from others but to take every opertunity to teach._ "

Thicketwhisker was expecting this life to be calm and serene but a pain ricocheted around his body that cought him off guard. It was a burning pain and one that made his head hurt morbidly. This pain was still not as bad as his mother's life had been but it was definitely enough to knock the wind out of the big tom. **"Crowpaw thanks you."** He muttered, trying to be both funny and thankful but his panting made it sound desperate.

The silver she-cat smiled over her shoulder and waved her tail at him as she made her way back to the group of cats. She nodded to the tom that stepped forward and at the sight of the next cat, Thicketwhisker gasped audibly. He could feel the excitement bubbling in his toes and suddenly he felt like a kit again.

Oakheart's heart brown form padded lightly forward. The great tom who had died in service of his Clan dipped his head to Thicketwhisker. The grown warrior tried not to shake in his excitement but it had been moons since h had seen his idol and greatest inspiration. _"Thicketwhisker, Skylark said it all but I will add to her words. You are a gift that ShadowClan could not survive without. My life to you is_ _Tenderness_ _and_ _Love._ _Use this life to love all cats who need it."_ He paused and turned to leave but dropped his voice and hunched his shoulders and muttered _"Tell her I'm sorry and I miss her."_ After a quick nod and indication of understanding from Thicketwhisker, Oakheart turned and left.

Once again, no cat stepped out before him and Thicketwhisker thought again that he may only be getting a few lives. But as he tried again to think of why that would be the case, he heard a familiar voice behind him. _"I'm here."_ Thicketwhisker froze at that voice. His eyes widened and when the other cat didn't walk around to his front, he slowly turned to face the apprentice before him.

Memories flooded back to him and he could already feel the pain he knew this life would bring him. **Cowpaw, I am so -"** The smaller cat flicked her tail to silence Thicketwhisker and the almost-leader's voice cracked and silenced immediately. " _Don't bother. I've come to terms._ " As she spoke, the apprentice's eyes softened instaintly and she sighed softly. Her shoulders fell and she suddenly lost all tensity. _"Thicketwhisker, the life I have for you is_ _Forgiveness_ _. I don't think I need to explain these reasoning to you. But use this life to know when to accept forgiveness."_ She paused and lifted her head so their eyes met. _"And when to give it."_ The dead apprentice dipped her head in respect. _"I accept your apology."_ Then she stepped forward and touched noses. The pain that rippled through him was excruciating and a hundred times worse then the one his mother had given.

Thicketwhisker didn't expect any less then pain for the life of forgiveness but this was more then even he had expected. But it wasn't the pain that caused him the most pain. Thicketwhisker choked back a tear and opened his mouth to shout after the black and white spotted she-cat and shook his head as he tried not to loose his emotions. But at the site of the small cat that stepped forward next, his control was lost. A tear fell from the usually-stoic tom's eye and his legs gave out. His fluffy body collapsed to the ground.

The starry-pelted kit ran to the side of her friend and nuzzled her little orange face into the larger fluffy tom. _"Don't worry, Thicketwhisker. It's not your fault."_ Thicketwhisker shook his head and choked on the air that wouldn't go down his throat. **"Of course it is, how can you say that. I'm so sorry, Grasskit. I am so sorry."** The usually dignified tom dropped his head to the ground and groveled at the paws of the kit. But the little orange tabby just shook her head and blinked the green eyes that were filled with only love for the older cat.

 _"You need to use Cowpaw's gift to learn to forgive yourself as well. But my gift of life to you is_ _Youth_ _. It was an experience I did not get much of. I would like you to live my youth for me and make sure that every cat gets the opertunity to live their life in its entirety."_ The little WindClan kit snuggled her soft face into the long fur and Thicketwhisker felt the wamrth and softness of his kithood again pass through him. Even without the typical nose to nose connection, the powerful little StarClan kit was able to pass on her life.

He let his head remain on the ground as he breathed heavily, trying to figure out who the last two lives would come from. Despite all of the surprises StarClan had thrown at him, he still hadn't caught sight of the one cat he was expecting. But before he could think to much on her presence and lack there of, a familiar and strong tom padded forward.

Instinct took over and Thicketwhisker dipped his head in respect to the former leader. **"Stand please, Thicketwhisker."** The deputy obeyed Birchstar's command and stood at the paws of the tom who had looked over ShadowClan for most of Thicketstar's young life. _"The life I have for you comes with_ _Intuition_ _._ _It is a skill that must be developed but also trusted. Do not make the mistakes I made with your Clan and follow your instinct."_ The dead leader - though he had been ripped apart in his death - now looked strong and fit again and Thicketwhisker was glad for the little magics StarClan could work.

When the leader's nose touched his, he was surprised by the pain this life caused. But as he tried to keep it under control, he realized the pain he felt was the pain Birchstar had felt at Littlefang's betrayal and he vowed never to feel that pain from another cat down int he forest. **"Thank you."** Thicketwhisker called out to the retreating form of his leader.

One life left. One life left and one cat he had yet to find. He spun around to glance over the cats, to see those he recognized. A few aunts and uncles and other family. Rainmist - the warrior murdered by Bleak when he had been leader. Squirrelstar and Sheepnose and Springstar and dewleaf and Brittlebreeze were all gathered around. Many cats he did not recognize that might have been ShadowClan warriors from before his time or cats from other Clans who had come to see the new cat who would rebuild ShadowClan.

He thought he glimpsed the spotted golden form of Ivystar but couldn't be sure for right when he might have seen the form of a cat he thought very much alive, his thoughts were interrupted but a mostly white she0cat who stepped forward.

Thicketwhisker's heart dropped and he released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. There was absolutely no reason that Cloverstar would have gone to the Dark Forest, but if she hadn't shown up here tonight, he would have had no other ideas. But there she was, strong and lean and as graceful as she ever had been and she stepped forward now in tact and tired? _"I give you the gift of_ _Trust_ _. I failed to earn the trust of my clanmates, it divided the clan and made us weak. Thicketwhisker, you must learn from my mistakes. Follow your heart, for it knows the right path to follow."_

Thicketwhisker dipped his head to the she-cat who had once been his apprentice and when he lifted it again she was close enough to touch noses with him. But before he moved forward to receive his last life he spoke: **"I am sorry I couldn't protect you.** " He moved his head to touch her nose right as he heard her repeat _"Follow your heart."_ and the gift of trust rippled through him. It was neither painful nor present it just...was. Trust was something that just happened to those who were worthy of it.

The white she-cat did not turn to leave like the others had and she spoke again, this time loud enough for the many gathered cats to here. _"Thicketwhisker, my deputy, my mentor and my friend. I have looked to you so much in my life time and now all of ShadowClan will look to you. With your nine lives, I hereby name you Thicketstar, leader of ShadowClan."_

She dipped her head in respect to the new leader and as she did, the entire mystical starry clearing of StarClan cats erupted into the chanting of his new name. Thicketstar was overwhelmed with the feelings of what his lives had been about and he dipped his head to the gathering of cats. But when he tried to lift his head again, he realized how heavy his body was.

He blinked slowly and he could feel his true body again. he had returned from his dream like state and though his body still ached from a few of the lives, he felt stronger and more ready to lead ShadowClan then he ever thought he would be. Thicketstar was not sure how much time had passed but he followed the path back out of the Moonstone cave and found Pippitpaw outside. He called out the the Medicine Cat Apprentice with a soft call: **"Pippitpaw. I am ready to return home."**


	2. The Things He Said

Thicketstar had not yet rested. His journey home with Pipitpaw had bee a quiet one. He had spoke to the apprentice about stepping in as Medicine Cat and he had said he would think on it. And it seemed that all he'd done the journey back was think. Thickewhisker - Thicketstar now - respected that. Pipitpaw was still young and taking on the full duties of medicine cat was a huge undertaking. A large life decision. He would give the apprentice all the time he needed.

The pair slipped into camp silently and Thicketstar gave the apprentice a nod of gratitude before the younger tom slipped away to go to sleep in his Den. While Thicketstar was just as tired and ready to retire to his new den as well, there was one thing he had to do first.

With drooping eyes, the tabby and white tom slipped into the elder's den and found Rosepelt sleeping alone. Until Rat-tail joined her in the den, she would be alone. It was saddening but it also meant that the confused she-cat would have her peace and quiet.

Thicketstar didn't know Rosepelt well. She had been the mate of his idol, the cat he had worshiped. But he had never really gotten to know her past the awesomeness that she was because he loved her. But he had promised Oakheart that he would speak to her and that he would do. Th leader lay down beside the calico she-cat and gently nudged her with his nose. He knew far better then to rough her awake. He didn't want her causing hysterics so late at night but he needed to speak with her now. If StarClan was truly on his side tonight, she would know who he was and not be afraid.

The fluffy she-cat blinked her eyes open a few times as she felt a prodding into her side. That was odd. No one else lived in the Den with her. Who could be - She lifted her head and turned to see Thicketwhisker sitting beside her. She cocked her head and smiled at him. She didn't know him well but she knew that he worshiped her mate and that was enough for her to know he was a good cat. **"Thicketwhisker, what a surprise. What are you doing here?"** She looked around. it was dark, very late at night. **"Has something happened?"** he was far older then she remembered. The Thicketwhisker she had been expecting to see was still a young tom, not more then 24 moons. But he was so big!

The leader smiled softly at her. She wasn't hysterical, that was good. But she seemed to be in a time long ago. When Oakheart was still alive. He wasn't sure exactly what he was going to say or how but he opened his mouth to speak. **"Rosepelt, I just got back from High Stones. It's Thicketstar now. I have taken over for Cloverstar as leader."**

A look of surprise passed over her face as well as happiness. **"Oh Thicketstar, my apologies! Congratulations, of course all though...my condolences for Cloverstar."** He nodded and looked at her steadily. **"Rosepelt, you know that Oakheart is...gone, right? He lives with StarClan now."** She closed her eyes and the pain was evident in her face. **"Yes. I know. he died not long ago and..."** He would let her keep that one. Oakheart had died many moons ago but at this moment, time was not an issue.

 **"Rosepelt, I met StarClan today to recieve my nine lives and my Leader name. oakheart was there and he gave me a life. He gave me the life of love and tenderness and told me to use it to look after all cats who deserve love.'** He paused and drew in a sharp breath. **"He also asked me to tell you that he's sorry and that he misses you. He watches over you daily and does his best to protect you. He said...he loves you."**

Rosepelt wasn't breathing. She stared at the tom in front of her with her breath held tightly in her throat. She wasn't sure what to say. She had been worried that he blamed her for not taking care of him, or that he wasn't protecting her now that he was in StarClan and she was still in the forest. She had worried that she would never see him again, even after she died. But he was around. he was watching her. he still loved her.

She let out the breath she'd been holding and choked out a few words that roughly added up to _'thank you'_ before leaning forward to bury her face into Thicketstar's chest. She was tired. This was big news and it was late.

Thicketstar would spend tonight comforting the broken elder that never got to be a queen.


	3. Forgiveness

He remembered it well. Moons and moons ago it might have been but Thicketstar remembered her as if she had been here only days ago. The large leader lay in his den silent and mentally alone. Feather fall was beside him as she had been since moving into the leaders den with him but she was now asleep. If Littlefang were to attack, she would wake and defend him. But in his mind he was alone.

His tail was circled around his butt and his paws were neatly tucked under his chest as his solid and unwavering gaze met a rock in the wall of his den. Although he was staring blankly, it seemed as though this rock was always the one to catch his gaze while in deep thought.

He thought he'd come to terms with what had happened. It was so long ago, Thicketstar had thought he had gotten over it. But seeing her again in StarClan...speaking to her and hearing the bitterness in her initial words had stirred something in him he thought long forgotten. His eyes closed and his nose touched the ground and before he knew it, he had slipped away.

She had been so young and so innocent. He had been so young and so nieve. He hadn't been ready for such a commitment and he knew that now. Thicketpaw had been advanced in his training. Skylark had made sure the eager young apprentice was learning everything from her and he was just soaking up the knowledge. The young tom was first to the training grounds every morning and Skylark would often not bother to stop by the apprentices den to wake him up because she knew he would already be out and about.

But he had also been like any other young tom - flashy and showing off to the pretty she-cat who had caught his eye and his heart. Nah is judgement was clouded as the hormones raged on and Thicketpaw's diligence in training had begun to slacken as he got older. Skylark had given him his final test and a few days later, he was named Thicketwhisker and was made to sit vigil. He had puffed out his furry chest and held his head high, catching sight of his prize out of the corner of his eye as every cat in the Clan chanted his name.

Thicketwhisker had been under the impression that he would have time as a young warrior to impress his gal. To bring home large prey and to head up every patrol and show his deep dictation to the Clan to win her heart. But at the age of 14 moons, Thicketwhisker was saddled with an apprentice of his very own. He was devastated by the burden Birchstar had placed on him and was terrified that another eligible young warrior would win her heart while he was busy with an apprentice.

The young tuxedo she-kit was happy and eager to do what her mentor asked of her. She looked up to the cat who had himself ben an apprentice only a moon ago. But despite her eagerness to get his attention and be his focus, he never seemed to have the time for her. He was always busy trying to hang out with her. Cow paw was jealous, not because she had any feelings for her mentor but because it was his duty to train her and he was abandoning her and his duties to chase some tail.

It didn't take the sweet apprentice long to turn to malice and other ways of getting her mentors attention. She had started doing dangerous things like trespassing or picking fights to get him to either reprimand or defend her. But nothing worked.

The journey to the moonstone was to be a happy one for any apprentice and her mentor. But for Thicketwhisker, it was only another burden and another set of hours he had to be with Cowpaw and not with Featherfall. The pair had set out early in the morning and his mind had been elsewhere. Hey had walked in silence for much of the short journey from ShadowClan camp to HighStones. They were about 20 minutes out from their destination when Cowpaw stopped.

It took the warrior who had been daydreaming about his love a few moments to realize he had been walking alone. He turned around and opened his mouth to demand she catch back up with him when she barked out _"Why don't you pay attention to me? You are my mentor and you have a duty to train me. But your head is so far in the clouds you don't even realize I'm here. You haven't said a single word to me on what should be a time spent bonding because you are too caught up in your own head to care. You are a wretched mentor and you should never have been given the honour of training an apprentice. I was nothing but perfect for you, nothing but diligent in my training. I spent hours-_

Thicketwhisker had stopped dead in his tracks as he stared, mortified at the black and white apprentice. He had never know. That she'd felt so violently about this and he hadn't realized he'd neglected her quite so much. There were bad mentors in every Clan, cats who just were not meant to teach others but Thicketwhisker had always though that Skylark had imparted her good teaching onto him. He didn't know how he could be so wrong.

As he stood there and accepted her barrage of terrible accusations and slanders, the creature that had been stalking them through the shadows chose that moment to strike. The pair was in discourse and the lone hunter had deemed this the opportune time. A golden lithe body leaped from the underbrush and pounced on the screaming apprentice. Within heartbeats of the attack, Cowpaws cries of anger had turned to ones for help. _"Thicketwhisker, please! Help me!_

He hadn't thought her how to fight someone bigger then herself. Any battle training session he had had with her was spent letting her just spar against other apprentices while he stood off to one side. It was his fault she couldn't defend herself.

He should leap to her aid and kill the fox that had her screaming body in its grasp. He should defend her now against this creature when he had never defended her before. He should put her first and save her life, even at the risk that he might die.

But he didn't.

Thicketwhisker was frozen - rooted to the ground where he'd stood as she challenged him and berated him and verbally attacked him. He stood there, unable to move, paralyzed by her words and by the fear that if he died he would never see Featherfall again.

And then, her screams stopped and unadulterated silence filled the air. It was this silence and the vision of the fox turning with his kill to flee the large cat that snapped Thicketwhisker from his trance. He had failed his apprentice but he was not going to let this beast take her away and eat her. He lunged at the fox and sank his teeth deep into the flesh. The fox yelped and screamed and released the tuxedo she-cat. The warrior released his grip and the creature ran away into the darkness.

Thicketwhisker crawled over to the limp tiny body as tears streamed down his face. He curled himself around her body as tears streamed from him. His face buried itself into her soft pelt as he mumbled apologies over and over. **"Cowpaw I am so sorry you were so right I was a terrible mentor! I should have put your first. You were my responsibility and I failed you I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I wasn't ready for an apprentice, I didn't deserve to teach you. I was too young for such a responsibility, Cowpaw I'm so sorry..."**

Hours went by as he sobbed into her cold body. He didn't know what to do. Surely Featherfall would never love him, Cowpaw's mother would never forgive him and Birchstar would never trust him. He would be disgraced and outcast and left to die on his own, run out of ShadowClan for abandoning his apprentice and not coming to her desperate aid. What would he do?

He could lie, he could say they fought together and lost. He could say she had wandered off on her own and he hadn't had the time to save her. He could leave her body and run away and live as a rogue without ever facing his Clan again.

But Thicketwhisker was not a coward. He was not get type of cat to run. He had made a mistake and he had to face it no matter what the consequences. The tabby and white time picked himself off the ground and I hailed sharply in an attempt to stop his tears. He picked up the limp apprentice in his jaws and carried her by the torn scruff the rest of the way to the moonstone. Inside, he set her down and yowled his apologies once more to StarClan where he knew she would be. He didn't deserve forgiveness but he needed it.

After some time, he picked her up again and carried her back to camp. The journey was slow with the burden of his load and the heaviness on his heart. But return he did to the gasps and cries of many cats.

With those screams of protest and sadness, Thicketstar woke. His eyes snapped open and he was breathing heavily. He had relived this night and the other over and over again in his dreams and he feared he would be haunted by them forever. His failures. He didn't deserve to lead ShadowClan, he was a coward and a terrible cat who put himself before his apprentice. He didn't deserve the name StarClan had given him or the lives he'd been granted.

His body shuttered again as he remembered Cowpaw's harsh words at his naming ceremony. How could he ever have thought he was over this pain. How could he ever forget?

But then she had softened. She had relaxed and spoken in the gentle voice he hardly remembered from her first few moons of training. _"The life I have for you is Forgiveness. I don't think I need to explain these reasoning to you. But use this life to know when to accept forgiveness. And when to give it. I accept your apology."_. He didn't deserve her forgiveness. He never would. Be yet, she had given it to him. After 34 moons she had forgiven him for what he had done.

But he would never forgive himself.


End file.
